完美，何为完美？连好的边都扯不上，甭谈完美。孰能抛开世俗的眼光，心无旁骛地活出自己？现今活着就是为了比较，竞争，誓死爬上人生的最高点。再说，人们太过于执着得不到的东西。越是不可能得到的东西，就越会想尽办法，出尽三十六计，不尽一切，不折手段的势必要得到。然而，悲哀的是往往人们作践自己，屈膝卑躬的付出一切努力，结果弄巧反拙，搞得自身伤痕累累，疲惫不堪，却连半口果子的味儿都尝不成。难道就不能悄悄的，潇洒地离执着而去？还有，为何人们就离不开群居的生活？为何忍受不了寂寞？为何不能迁入深山隐居，过着神仙般的生活呢？哼，神仙般的生活，除非你仙逝了，要不这玩意儿只能向往就好，不能当真。人们活着非要有伪装的面具，说好听一些，也就是把不同的一面呈现给不同的人，就好比见人说人话，见鬼说鬼话那样。而我，就通常把胡闹的一面搬出来，常有“别人笑我太疯癫”的自我保护模式，显得潇潇洒洒，仿佛世界的一切大小事都事不关己，其实不以然，心里滴着血，然而没人体会。很难想象，其实和尚，修士，到底是否摆脱了七情六欲，看破红尘，一心一意修灵，以备后来的西方的世界，抑或是天堂永生之福。有时候，真希望有个能看透自个儿灵魂的人生活在一起。然而这纯粹是妄想，自己都不认识自己的灵魂，奢望别人来了解？说到底根本就不了解自己存在的意义。长篇大论，废话连篇，本身都不明白这是为何！ 参不透，悟不出，就让思绪潇洒地飘逸于空中～

Man I don't know why things always go wrong instead of going to the right path as I expected or as planned. Brain is getting weaker, everyday I feel like getting stupider, slower response, slower sense, everything is degraded exponentially as day goes by. How the fuck is this happening? Just a small test regarding my electronic engineering course, damn it the easy questions I had them slipped, I tripped and lost lots of marks, those tough ones I don't even dare to think bout it. Today experiment, was to build an easy BCD encoder, what the fuck I failed to do it, how much stupidity could I discover more I wondered sometimes. Things weren't suppose to be like that man. Seriously man, to be frank I wish that I can graduate this electronic engineering shit with flying colors result, and perform well in my job field next time, in order to have a happy life. Who says money isn't everything, man fuck you it is everything you can't live without those pieces of shit, and I need a good job with high payment to LIVE! I just hope that everything goes back to the right track, as it was when I was younger, things went well that time. Man I pray this to you God, through Lord Jesus Christ. In fact, if my life could be any more perfect, please help me to realize it, Amen.

At this freaking morning, I did something freaky. Woke up from the bed and it was already 8:06. Man, I was having those disturbing dreams which freaked up my mind and even though I slept for enough hours I was still tired as hell. Freaking dragged myself up and quickly got ready to class. Man, fuck those cars in front, in my mind I was thinking. At the junction I was about to left turn, the freaking old type Mercedes seemed like would never grab nice chance to get out from the waiting zone. I tried to surpass him, by moving lil bit to his right side. Great, see there was a chance to go out fast, right stepped on the pedal hard, and there went pi ka boom. My car got onto the edge of the front Mercedes, didn't even know how. So I parked aside and talked to the old man driving that car. The Mercedes didn't even have a scratch so he let me go without getting any shit from me. I felt so sad bout my car, left side of it got crashed! So that was proton thingy, so freaking fragile and unreliable! I felt so numb as my freaking brain was still kinda like freezing. So when I reached the class I didn't even actually listen to my lecturer. Well great, so I complained my shit to my friends. Luckily one of my friends having his dad who could fix the car for me. Aww man total spent me RM270. My ang paus all gone. Wonder this Friday how am I gonna confront my dad. Hope everything's perfectly fine after this kinda accident. I meant like for the rest of my life. It was the freaking karma which got me into this I guess, was laughing at others all the time, now I got the chance to take a taste of it. Hmmm....

Bought a new bike today, white background with some blue decorations on it, simply just awesome, foremost blue's color of cool. There was a black one exactly same design with this one, but I prefer this color, which was more attractive I guess. Kinda have the feeling like love at the first sight when I spotted it. About the price, for me this kinda poor student it was very expensive, costed me RM400. Jesus, it was like cutting slice of flesh from me, but at last I just paid it with my heart bleeding, hopefully it would stay with me until I graduate. :)

Man, it was really awful to get drunk, my first time experience almost knocked me down, felt like dying no joke. Swear to god I'd never get drunk again just for fun. Recently was travelling here and there, far journey for me and I felt exhausted. How am I gonna travel the whole world when a small journey like this already put me into this hard situation. Guess as I grow up my dreams will just go blown one by one with no mercy on them. Since young I have this dream of becoming a biologist that explores Amazon for new species, as when I'm older I hope to paint every place I feel interesting down instead of taking photo of it. Guess I'm really a great dreamer ain't I? Man I have this kind of thought, even if we really feel sad due to getting apart or what so ever case, even if we're depressed, even if it's disheartening, should we just show the weak side of us and cry in front of everybody? Even if your that sentimental, is this necessary? Not that I have no feeling at all I'm not cold-blooded, you don't know if inside my heart it's ten folds greater the strength tearing me inside out, it'd still remain inside, trapped. Cause life's just so fucked up, if you're afraid of getting apart then please, no more new friends and stick some crazy strong glues between you and friends. Never ever getting apart.

Everybody's not what they seem to be like. Really, we can't judge a book by its cover. What we see on the outside, it's always not what it is on the inside. To know whether a book is good or not, we have to scrutinize every word inside it, even the punctuation marks, in order to determine the quality of its contents, to understand what it tries to express. Similarly, to literally know oneself, we have to see through the soul. However it's impossible to see through one's such thick skins, body full of cells, membranes, fluids and etc. Those layers are already hard enough to be penetrated through, and people nowadays even make up and this has promoted the barrier to another level. Smiles, might be EVIL grins, laughters, they might be teases. Everyone's a hypocrite, everyone's wearing their masks, and when I say everyone it's EVERYONE, myself included. Revelation of the truths is always fatal. The impacts it gives are severe, the pain it causes excelling the pain to be burnt in the fiery depths of hell I guess? Guess I will only know after I'm dead LOL. Agonies invoked by it is like to be stabbed at the back by a blunt knife than being shot right at the head, ten times greater. Masks, our greatest kit to disguise ourselves, wear tight =)

It’s been a year, introduce my most recent drawing, “Darksiders” from an action rpg game I played years ago. There are photos taken for the drawing I drew from the start till the end. Though my WAR looks like fucktard, fatter and uglier, but no matter how it's my effort, hope you guys like it =X.

Trial's near, am not ready yet, procrastinating shits running circle in my head,my IQ and EQ are too low for me to survive in the coming waves. God I need your help, listen to my prayer.

I'm a devil. Peace destroyed.
Today's Christmas, on the eve I shouted at my dad so loud that the streets could hear, almost fought, he took hammer I held stick.
Going to church tomorrow in the morning. Haven even done my confession. God, I'm a incurable disaster making devil!

Yesterday, I lost my scholarship RM8000, failed my A levels chemistry internal exam. What a waste, though it was predicted but I just din't want to lose it. Felt like I'm a dumb, looked back the test paper it wasn't that hard after all. Today got back computing paper, got a B. This one I was quite satisfied with it, but why chemistry? Hope that my physics could score higher, at least a B for it I hoped. I failed, 100% scholar gone in a wink of eyes, shouldn't happen. I din't want to be the only person who lost the scholarship in my class. Should work harder and harder till I got A, for every subject! I tried, I studied, guess it's not enough for my weakest subject after all. Felt so sorry, failed my parents, failed my pride, failed everything. How am I going to sit for real A levels exam? Seriously I have to get back up soon. Fight for it, lost this scholar doesn't mean that I lost it all, lost this fight doesn't mean that I lost the war, it's still on and I have to carry on my battle, till victory is finally mine. WAKE UP! My America dream should not DIE!

It's been a long time since the last shit I drew. So one day I had this come into my mind, I should have drawn some shits out to see if my skills deteriorated or what. So I decided to work out on two characters in a game that I kept playing recently, called wolfteam. So during one midnight, I'd been lying on the bed for two hours and I couldn't fall in sleep, that was fucked up. So I went to deviant art and found some pictures of the Wolves which I could refer to. Okay, enough of grandma's shits, let's get started.

This was the draft I made, heads of the Guardian wolf and the Ghost wolf (in the game they're called so) were drawn. Guessed they were okay. =)

Firstly I coloured up the Ghost Wolf's head during the 1st midnight. Spent few hours on it. >.<

This was the material I used, the water colour I used for this drawing is Alpha Artists Water Colour, I first used it at the end of year 2010. Before that was using Buncho. I was using the soft brushes to paint, so the fur's of the wolf was not that vivid =(, yeah not true-to-life. Anyway fuck it, ain't got time to waste on that shit.

The next step I started to paint the Guardian, I painted a mere and light layer of colours on it, it's obscure, just like a foundation or platform for it.

Slowly I added layers and layers of colours on it, so it's getting more like popped out shit, 3D-liked? More concrete...

Finally! I got them both done. Their heads and upper bodies were all nicely coloured up XD.

Hmmm, in order to make them more ferocious, more vicious, I dropped the red on the paper and blew them off to make some blood oozing effects. Looked blood thirsty Rawr~

So after that I sprayed some reds on the paper. Seemed like the blood spurted out. Done.

I know it's not really nice but anyway it's ma hard work man =)